February
Spotting the Signs of Abuse in Older Adults
As adult children take on more supportive roles with ageing parents, it becomes increasingly important to recognise the potential for abuse, whether physical, emotional, financial, or psychological. Unfortunately, elder abuse often goes unnoticed or unreported, especially when it takes place within families.
According to the World Health Organization, one in six people aged 60 and over experience some form of abuse each year in community settings. In the UK, Age UK has highlighted that elder abuse is significantly underreported, often due to feelings of shame or fear of family breakdown. In 2018/19, an estimated 180,000 women and 98,000 men aged 60–74 were victim-survivors of domestic abuse in England and Wales.
Common signs to look out for include:
- Unexplained injuries, poor hygiene, or weight loss
- Unusual banking activity, unpaid bills, or missing possessions
- Withdrawal from family or social circles
- Anxiety or visible discomfort around specific individuals
Financial abuse, in particular, is a growing concern. A 2015 survey by Action on Elder Abuse found that 53 per cent of financial abuse cases involved adult children misusing access to bank accounts, credit cards, or property.
It is vital that we listen without judgement, create safe spaces for conversations, and know when to seek help. If you suspect abuse, organisations such as Hourglass (formerly Action on Elder Abuse) and Age UK can provide guidance and support.
Ways to Support Ageing Parents well
In the UK, around five million people currently provide unpaid care for older or disabled relatives, many of whom are looking after a parent. While caregiving can bring families closer, it can also strain relationships, especially when roles are not clearly understood or boundaries are blurred.
Research from Age UK shows that older adults most commonly rely on family members, usually daughters, for support with tasks like household management, shopping, and healthcare. As responsibilities increase, carers often report feeling overwhelmed or emotionally conflicted, particularly if they are juggling work or other family obligations.
To support aging parents well:
- Involve them in decision-making to respect their independence
- Discuss financial arrangements openly and fairly
- Make use of community resources such as carer support groups or respite services
- Encourage social interaction to reduce loneliness and isolation
These conversations are not always easy, but they are necessary. By approaching them with compassion, we can honour our loved ones’ dignity while meeting their changing needs.
Setting Boundaries with Those we Love
When caring for loved ones, especially parents or close relatives, it is easy to put their needs ahead of our own. While this may come from a place of love and duty, it can lead to exhaustion, frustration, or even resentment over time. This is why learning to set healthy boundaries is not selfish, it is essential.
A UK-based survey by the Carers Trust found that 64% of adult carers reported their mental health had suffered due to their caring responsibilities. Many struggled with guilt when saying no or taking time for themselves. However, without clear limits, relationships can become strained or codependent.
Setting boundaries might include:
- Allocating specific days or times for caregiving
- Saying no to tasks that are unsafe or beyond your capacity
- Asking for help from other family members or professional services
- Being honest about your emotional and physical limits
Research from relationship counselling experts at Relate suggests that open communication around boundaries improves family harmony and individual wellbeing. It also helps to model healthy behaviour for future generations.
Creating and maintaining boundaries takes courage, but it also builds respect. When done kindly and consistently, boundaries support stronger, more sustainable relationships.
Communication Skills:
Strengthening Connection Through Every Stage of Life
At the heart of every relationship lies communication. Whether we are talking to a partner, parent, colleague, or friend, how we express ourselves has a powerful impact on our ability to connect and understand one another.
As family dynamics evolve, particularly when caring for an older relative, communication becomes even more important—and often more challenging. We may avoid difficult conversations for fear of causing hurt, or we may speak out of frustration when emotions run high.
Yet research from the Mental Health Foundation shows that effective communication is linked to reduced stress, better decision-making, and stronger relationships. In families, this means fewer misunderstandings and more mutual respect.
Key communication skills include:
- Active listening: giving full attention without interrupting
- Empathy: seeking to understand how someone feels, even if you disagree
- Clarity: stating your needs or concerns honestly, without blame
- Tone and body language: ensuring your message is kind and respectful
In care settings, communication breakdowns can lead to errors, isolation, or tension. But when families talk openly, they are more likely to find shared solutions that meet everyone’s needs.
Whether you are discussing support with a parent, setting boundaries with a sibling, or asking for help, strong communication skills will serve you well.
