The Battle Nobody Could See: Pete’s Story
Content Warning: This is a true story that contains discussion of suicide, including references to suicide methods. Some readers may find this content distressing.
If you are affected by the issues raised, support is available. Contact Samaritans free, 24 hours a day, on 116 123. For medical advice, contact NHS 111. If you or someone else is in immediate danger or at risk of harm, call 999 immediately.
Pete Walker, an electrician and mental health advocate, has made it his mission to raise awareness and support others who may be struggling. He shares his story below.
As an electrician I have always struggled with anxiety, which has a huge effect on my mental health. I faced a constant battle both in and out of work. To everyone else around me at work, they probably wouldn’t have noticed that anything was up. I was just doing my job, turning up, getting on with it, solving problems and installing electrical installations to a high standard. Anxiety took over my life, at night I was worrying about the next day, the next job, the next problem. In the mornings it would ramp up even more with my mind and heart both racing, alongside a crippling sickness in my stomach. From the outside everything probably appeared ok but inside my head, things were very different. I found it easy to solve electrical problems but the problems that life brings are so much more complicated and can’t be solved by a simple fault-finding process.
For a long time, suicide felt like the solution to all of my problems. I never discussed with anyone and kept my thoughts and plans to myself. Turning 30 was the first date I had in my mind. I never really expected to live beyond that. But by the time I was 30 things had changed, by that point I had a young daughter, I had responsibilities, I had a purpose and everything changed. I just couldn’t leave her, so 30 came and went.
The problems I couldn’t solve continued both in and out of work, but I just kept on keeping on. I postponed my plans and 40 became the next date. I never expected to live that long either and it seemed a nice round number to disappear.
The strange thing about being an electrician is that you’re constantly working around things that can kill you. Electricity doesn’t give you a second chance. A mistake, a moment of inattention, the wrong decision, and that’s it. I was regularly just inches away from death and my mind played tricks. For someone struggling with suicidal thoughts, that environment can become something else entirely. I would be standing at work with these thoughts going through my head.
Remove that cover, Move that barrier, Grab that busbar.
There will be pain, but then the pain will be over.
Standing in front of the busbar, my mind would construct the story:
“ELECTRICIAN DIES FROM ELECTRIC SHOCK”
It probably wouldn’t even go down as suicide. It would go down as an accident. I would be gone but the pain would be over and for a moment, the thought of that felt like peace.
But then another thought would come into my head and something else that might sound strange to some people, but this mattered enormously to me: my reputation as an electrician. If I died in an electrical accident, people might remember me as an incompetent electrician. Someone who made a mistake. Someone who didn’t know what he was doing. For me, that was almost worse than the battle I was having with life. I had spent years building my career and being proud of what I did. I didn’t want my legacy to be that.
So, the battle continued and nobody could see it. I could be standing in a workplace surrounded by other electricians, having a completely normal conversation, while inside my head I was fighting thoughts about whether I wanted to live.
That’s one of the things I’ve learned about mental health. You don’t look ill and from the outside you look completely fine. Underneath all of that, you’re exhausted from fighting a battle that nobody else knows exists. Sometimes you’re the person making everyone laugh, you are the person that everyone relies on. You’re the person who turns up every day and gets the job done.
Self-medication became my cure, I used alcohol to ease my pain and balance my emotions, ease my anxieties, and this was the way I helped myself or at least I thought it was. It gave me an escape from my own head. It helped me switch off for a while. The problem with trying to silence your thoughts that way is that they don’t actually disappear. They’re still there when the effect wears off, and often the problems are worse.
So, I decided to pack in the drink and use other methods to try to face my battle. I reached out to counselling services, started taking ice baths, doing breathing meditations, and journalling. It seems like a lot of time to spend facing your problems, but I would do anything not to have another hangover.
I don’t tell this story because I have everything figured out now. I tell it because I know what it feels like to believe that death is the only way out. I know how easy it is to hide those thoughts from everyone around you. I’m still me. I still have difficult days. I still have thoughts and struggles, and I don’t pretend that mental health suddenly disappears because you decide to talk about it.
I feel brave enough to start talking about it now. I was suffering in silence and many more are suffering in silence too. If sharing my experience helps one person recognise the battle happening inside their own head, then everything I’ve been through has a purpose.
Especially in industries like ours, where being tough is often seen as part of the job, we solve problems easily at work, so are expected to solve problems in all areas of our life.
We look after our tools and test equipment. We isolate supplies, test for dead and follow procedures because we know what happens when we don’t. Maybe we need to start treating our mental health with the same importance because sometimes the biggest danger isn’t electricity. Sometimes it’s the battle happening inside your own head.
Pete’s journey shows that recovery is not about finding a single solution, but about taking small steps and reaching out for support. After years of struggling with anxiety and using alcohol as a way to cope, he made the decision to stop drinking in September 2023 and sought help through Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). He continues to manage his anxiety every day using ice baths, journalling and breathing meditation techniques. Earlier this year, he attended a wellness retreat in Sweden led by Wim Hof, where he joined around 200 people from different backgrounds, shared experiences and took part in activities that helped him develop a more positive outlook.
Since then, he has felt confident enough to speak openly about his mental health struggles. He has completed St John Ambulance Mental Health First Aider training and now volunteers as a Samaritan in his spare time, helping others who may be facing challenges similar to those he experienced himself. Paul knows how easy it is to hide what you’re going through, and believes many people may be carrying their own battles in silence. His message is simple: you do not have to face those struggles alone, and reaching out for help can be the first step towards recovery.
If you are struggling with your mental health and need support, contact the Electrical Industries Charity (EIC) free and confidential helpline on 0800 652 1618 or email support@electricalcharity.org. You can also contact Samaritans free, 24 hours a day, on 116 123. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis or are in immediate danger, call 999 immediately.






